Searching

by Jono
(Alberta, Canada)

I was born and raised as a Christian. As a child it was something I really cherish with all me. I can count my fingers in my hands how many times I had a great time with my Father. As little and thoughtless I can be, I was very curious. I always find myself sneaking out of the house just to see whats in the store. My father would hit me for disobeying me. As I cry my tears out hoping my mom would defend me, she watched me as if she didn't care for me. I grew distant towards my parents. Never had the attentions that sometimes I needed when I'm sad. I grew up, a smart one with sense of awareness. Someone who always want to go against the rules and not to follow the book. At least that's what my heart tells me. Up until then my own family never understood me. In fact I was always the one that needs to understand the most for the best of everyone. One day I decided to follow my own life path. It kills me when I see my mother in tears. I quit the church. I chose to believe in my heart. Being a Christian means a lot to them. All it takes is one swoop and off I go, Abandoned. Lost. For once I never felt a sense of belonging. Something has awakened in me. As if I can see what most of people cant see. Searching for answers to how I can tap into it again.